Unless your captor is kind enough to grant you wifi access, right now you’re a free person reading the greatest webcomic in the world.  Congratulations! All you HAVE to do is die and even death can be avoided if you think like a poet or believe that your great aunt came back as a ladybug or a pigeon.

Did I mention that Barn Owls have no souls?  Look it up. They’re the winged version of possums, at least in terms of the volume of nightmares they produce per capita. Why would Mr. Lessons keep them as pets? Maybe he’s trying to give himself voluntary PTSD.